Sunday, February 3, 2013

What I wish I would have known

Being under stress and away from your family and friends is going to bring out the worst in you.You may think coming to do mission work is going to put you around great people and going to increase your faith but in my case and from a lot of blogs I've read (which I wish I had read before hand) it's not. Some people are just not going to like you, and to be completely honest has made me a worse person. It's brought out evil deep within me I didn't even know existed and that I am ashamed of. I'm constantly comparing myself to people, I'm stressed out all the time, I'm angry, I'm mean to Jerry, ha, I shut myself off completely from most because I don't want them to see this in me or I just don't have the energy in me anymore to socialize. I read my Bible less, and most days I question Why Me?Or why would God let things like this disease, hunger, and destruction happen to people while so many are so blessed.

Even though I don't understand all of this now I know one day it will make sense. I don't always understand why I'm here and I'm trying to trust God on that, because I felt the calling so greatly. But just know because you are going to be a missionary in another country or right where you are you aren't going to be saving the world. It might bring out the things hidden in you that you haven't dealt with. And maybe that's why I'm here, for GOD to work on me, and I've been placed with all of these wonderful children to remind me to be more like them. All you can do is try to take one day at a time, and I'm trying everyday to rebuild some of the things in me I lost. I didn't write all of this to be depressing, just to get my feeling out there and hope to encourage someone else to know if they are going through this they aren't alone.GOD has been here with me every step even thought I don't always feel Him, but I know it.

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